Indians obsession with skin colour

A glance at the Indian newspaper and this is what it read.
Matrimonial Advertisement
Wanted bride – very fair and beautiful…………………….

I thought in my mind – “If the guy maybe as good as tar, the bride should have fair skin”.
After N years of marriage you hear the mothers comment on the not so good looks of the daughter-in-law but she can easily overlook the fact that her son is as dark as coal and a good for nothing.
The lighter your skin, you are considered pretty. It may look like an idea conceived by the media but it really comes from within you and your community. When you see a light skinned person getting preferential treatment and the dark skinned being ignored you realize, we ourselves have defined it. This obsession has got its widespread rotten roots in most Indian minds. India’s ugly secret is its discrimination against dark skinned folks. In the West, there is a transformation in the concept of beauty-but for we Indians, colour is the most indisputable winner.
How would you define the Indian mentality towards colour - “passive racist”?

Stock Market Humour

In the midst of the financial tsunami hitting many countries, the stock markets have become the butt of jokes. Here are some classic “desi” ones.

"Bankrupt allowed to return to their native place without ticket - (Railway Minister) Lalu Prasad," goes one SMS joke.

Other 'jokes' border on being stupid: "Good time to invest in stocks of Rupa Frontline, VIP underwear, Jockey briefs etc. 'Sab ki chaddi uter gayi' (everyone has lost their briefs). So, everyone will buy a new one."
A joke about Finance Minister P Chidambaram announcing a decision to treat all losses in the market as tax deducted at source.

Another jester came up with this spoof on the Ambanis, whose group companies usually drive the market: "Latest blockbuster movie 'Saare Zameen Par' - premiere on BSE and NSE directed, produced and acted by Ambani brothers."

A fun email circulating trading desks, worth a chuckle, as well as an informal measure of sentiment:
CEO: Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO: Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL: Beast in a field that attempts to screw anything
BEAR: Beast in the woods with a bad temper that attempts to screw anything
BULL MARKET: A random upward market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET: A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING: The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO: The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER: What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR: Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST: Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

Current Status of the market

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs10.The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.The man bought thousands at Rs10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at Rs20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to Rs25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.
In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at Rs35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for Rs50."The villagers squeezed up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys.Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!!!
Welcome to the "Stock" Market!!!!!

English blunders in the corporate world

How people write Leave Applications.

Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:
"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife , please sanction me one-week leave."

Bangalore: From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"as I want to shave my son's head , please leave me for two days.."

Leave-letter from an employee "as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."

From Administration Dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."

Another employee applied for half day leave as follows: "Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"

An incident of a leave letter: "I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday."

Another email written to the HR: "As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."

Letter writing:- "I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."

A candidate's job application: "This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! ) for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience , I am applying for the post.

Priceless words

A husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover.
He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table.
"Honey, breakfast is on the table, I left early to go grocery shopping. Love You!"

Totally shocked with the note, he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. He asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious. Broke some crockery, puked in the hall, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door". Confused, the man asks, "So, why is
everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?
I should expect a big quarrel with her!"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off, you said, "LADY LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M MARRIED!"

Moral
Self-induced hangover - $ 400.00
Broken crockery - $ 800.00
Breakfast - $ 10.00
Saying the Right Thing While Drunk - "PRICELESS "


There are truly some things that both money and Mastercard can't buy.

How to mingle and interact with people

These days many people find it difficult to start a conversation with unfamiliar people in a ball room event or any other social situation.You may want to make an unmarried person or a recently divorced feel comfortable among the married couples at your home get-together. Or , you might see a stranger and realize that he/she maybe a suitable other half. You have the urge to go up and strike a conversation but simply do not know how.Here are a few tips that could be used.
1.A casual greeting – “hello” and simply exchange names .A handshake when the person responds to you is the most acceptable one but if you are in a foreign country , you need to follow the social norms there. If the person is already known to you and a techie you could ask questions to break the ice - “What do you think about the Google chrome?”. “Are you doing some upgrading courses?”. If these questions don’t suit the other person, try something general-Look around the walls and you will see some piece of art and ask whether they appreciate it? If it is female – maybe appreciate her handbag or her shoes. Don’t tell her she looks like “Cleopatra” or “Aishwarya Rai” – these days women are smart – they know you are lying and not sincere.
2. Smile and continue the conversation. Smile and listen to what the other person has to say , you could also offer an opinion. Don’t stare but maintain eye contact.
Remember non-verbal communication also contributes to an effective conversation.Groom your hair and nails and dress appropriately.Read the newspaper/books and watch TV because you need to know what is going on in the world.If you are shy you need to think on a few topics that you could talk on.Remember humour and funny quotes can lighten up spirits and increase participation.
If he or she is looking at a clock or watch, then you have been going on for too long or the person you are talking to is simply weird. Don’t waste time – look out to strike conversation with someone else.

What gender is a computer?

Unlike the English language, French nouns are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine explained the French teacher.
‘House’, in French, is feminine – ‘la maison.’
‘Pencil’, in French, is masculine – ‘le crayon.’
Puzzled, one student raised his hand-”What gender is a computer?”
The teacher wasn’t certain, she divided the class into two groups to decide if the computer should be masculine or feminine for the class exercise. One group was comprised of the women in the class and the other of men. Both groups had to give four reasons for their recommendation.
Women's Group said – “le computer”
In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.
Men's Group said -- “la computer”
No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
As soon as you make a commitment to one, you spend half your pay on accessories.
Should it be ‘le computer’ or ‘la computer’?

Onam-A unique festival

It has its origins in Hindu mythology but “Onam” is celebrated by the wealthy and the poor irrespective of being a Hindu, Muslim or a Christian in Kerala. The ten-day Onam festival falls in August-September and signifies the beginning of the harvest season.
According to the legend, the gods plotted against Mahabli, the king – they wanted an end to his reign. They send Vishnu, the Hindu god as a dwarf Brahmin, Vamanan. He went to Mahabali and asked him for three steps of land. After his wish was granted he covered the whole land with his two steps and asked the king where to place the third step. To keep his word, the king offered his head. Vamanan pushed the king down into the earth. Pleased with his honesty the king was granted a wish in return that he could come and visit his land and the people every year on a particular day. On the day of Onam, people of Kerala join together to welcome back their vanquished king.
"Athappookkalam", a floral carpet is a symbolic gesture to welcome Mahabali.
Keralites prepare and serve a sumptuous meal on a plantain leaf along with the traditional kheer called “payasam”. It just reflects the Keralite's taste for all the beautiful things of life. The whole state comes alive with festivity and activity.
One of the main attractions of Onam, is the 'Vallamkali' or boat races of Aranmula. The oarsmen row traditional boats to the rhythm of drums and cymbals. It is the best time of the year to visit Kerala, God’s own country which comes alive with elephant processions, classical and folk dance performances in its lush greenery and experience the tranquil of mind. Having lived in many parts of India and abroad, the “Onam” festival brings back childhood memories of the unique spirit of celebration.
The “avial” that we had for last Sunday’s lunch at the restaurant was simply delicious and left me craving for another Onam lunch – aaaah but I need to watch the amount of cholesterol build-up with all the coconut.

It sometimes make me wonder why the Indian government doesn't tap the season's tourist potential when the Kovalam beach and Thekkady is so popular in the west.

Water or Whiskey

A professor wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he carried out an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.
"Now, closely observe the worms," said the professor while putting a worm into the water.
The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. He then put the second worm into the whiskey. It curled up and writhed about painfully, then quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
"Now, what lesson have you learnt from this experiment?" the professor asked.
Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded confidently,
"Drink whiskey and you won't get worms.

IIT for Women Only-Do we need it??

The suggestion to start India’s first all-women IIT at Amravati seems to be the buzzing news. The first woman President -Patil was concerned about fewer girl students making it to the IITs. However, one needs to acknowledge that Indian women are making it to the top even now without an exclusive-IIT. Girls are outshining boys in board examinations and university exams and some have been excellent examples to emulate. The Indian IIT has been recognized all over the world for the majority of the quality people (both boys and girls) they have churned out. The quota system has already been questioned and now reservations for women. Are they going to relax the criteria for admission and bring down the standard of these institutes?
Gender should not be brought in for evaluating academic excellence. A professional institution actually prepares its students for cut-throat competition and interaction in the corporate world. One wonders how these girls are gonna cope after passing out-if at all an IIT for women is ever approved. As of now, the idea is rejected byPlanning Commission deputy chairperson Montek Singh Ahluwalia and hopefully they try not to promote it.With emphasis on team spirit, guys and girls have to work together. Where do you have corporate girls only environment?
You need a healthy mix of both boys and girls for development and growth.
Maybe what the lady needs to do is promote more scholarships and grants for women who take up the technical stream – not just the IIT. A change in mindset is also required on the part of Indian parents. Better still – waive the fees for the women candidates if she is truly concerned.

An enquiring mind

A little girl asked her mum "How did we come into this world?"
The mum said, ‘God made Adam and Eve. They had kids and that was how mankind was made’.
A few days later she asked her dad about the human race. The father said "There were a lot of monkeys around originally from which the human race evolved".
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, 'Mum, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?'The mother answered, 'Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.'

Worldwide Survey on Food Shortage

A worldwide survey was conducted by a reputed organization. The only question asked was:

"Would you please give your most honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a complete failure because:

In Africa they did not know what "food" meant;

In Western Europe they did not know what "shortage" meant;

In Eastern Europe they did not know what "opinion" meant;

In the Middle East they did not know what "solution" meant;

In South America they did not know what "please" meant;

In Asia they did not know what "honest" meant; and

In the United States they did not know what "the rest of the world" meant!

A billion people, only one gold at the Olympics 2008

Indian sport is in a sorry state due to lack of funds, infrastructure, public apathy as well as poor vision and direction from the sporting foundations. Cricket is at the peak of its popularity among the masses due to publicity by the media as well as marketing. Over-hype is already causing a deteriorating trend in cricket as we all can see in the quality of the game played by the so-called accomplished aged heroes. We have turned a blind eye to other sports. Our national game-hockey, which brought in the gold medals earlier, is a serious concern for the country. The truth is that there is too much emphasis on cricket and other sportsmen are not treated equally. Autonomy should be granted to sporting federations and all states in India should be encouraged to send in their athletes and the politicians should no longer hold on to the honorary positions in the sporting federations.
Now that Bindra has clinched a gold medal for India, it is a stimulant. Let’s not forget his commitment and that he had spend millions of his own money to pursue his dreams. His family support has been commendable. History has been made and hopefully an eye-opener for millions after more than sixty years of independence. How about challenging the business houses like Tata, Reliance, Infosys, Wipro etc. to sponsor sports for tax exemptions?

Does your blood type reveal your personality??

What does your blood type tell you about your personality? A common question in Japan is “What’s your blood type?”

Type O: A leader, loyal and passionate about the work under-taken and self-confident. They could be jealous, vain and competitive. They are good to initiate work and they don't always finish what they start

Type A: They are perfectionist. They tend to work well with others. You are stubborn and restless.

Type B: Individualistic. You are straight-forward, creative, adaptable and flexible. Your independence can sometimes go beyond limits.

Type AB: Cool and social. You just cannot make up your mind. They can be viewed as two-faced.

Why is dowry still prevalent in India??

In India, dowry is considered as a traditional ritual of marriage. It could be cash, gift or estate given by the bride’s family to the groom’s family. It has become such a deplorable practice that it ruins the marriage sacrament.
India is making great strides in IT but it is a national shame that till today we cannot stop the practice of dowry and female infanticide. These days it is a prestige for the guy and his family to announce how much the wife’s family has given for the wedding. What is the kind of satisfaction that one gets from such boastfullness and show?
The Indian woman is portrayed like a goddess but is she really that once she is married?
Shouldn’t it be looked upon as “the guy is incapable of taking care of the woman” hence he wants dowry.
On a practical note, yes, there are expenses incurred for a wedding- why can’t both families share the expense rather than dump the expenses on a bride’s family and even make atrocious demands. Why is it that the educated people in India never think in such terms??
This is nothing but because of our social upbringing which is difficult to change.
To bring about a change, the educational institutions and the media together should educate men and women to eliminate the concept of dowry. Women must be made economically independent and strong social disapproval of dowry is the only guarantee to get rid of this evil. Basic house-keeping skills and treating women with respect should be taught to young boys from the start which majority of our Indian men really lack when compared to their western counter-parts.
It is high time that the government and the media start a campaign against this shameful custom.

The DADDY Bond

A lot has been said and written about the intimate bond between parents and their child. For parents it is the urge to protect and nourish our little one and for a child it is a sense of security and positive self esteem. Mummies have breast-feeding and the maternal instincts as an advantage in the process of bonding. Though the nurturing instincts of dads are slower then mums they can form strong bonding attachment to their children.
There are differences in the bond that a child has with the father and the mother.
A father’s bonding with his child develops when he realizes that he is not a substitute for the mum. The key point of fathering is play. Dads have a more playful interactive style which suits the personality of the child to develop strong social relationships. The toddler age usually strengthens the DADDY bond when your child begins to talk and relate to people. Getting involved in the routine activities lets the baby get used to your voice and scent and feels comforted and closer to you. The magic formula in the DADDY is they bring themselves down to the child’s level and avoid criticism. The daddy’s open ended questions make the child think creatively and explore opportunities.
The DADDY bond spells itself distinctively for little girls attached to their father. Although it can be stressful for the mum and the girls when Daddy is away, it teaches some good lessons. Children learn that even though people leave, they return. There is fear in a child that you won’t return. Also, it teaches them to adapt. The first week of Dad’s absence- the children fight and they need your attention all the time. The second week gets better and they are not clingy. The mum has to realize-something normal can cause havoc for a child. As a parent your responsibility is to remind them that they are loved and they can manage changes easier.
For fathers, breaking free of assumptions about “who and what” they are in the parental mix means the joy and satisfaction of more--and continuing--participation in shaping their daughter's lives.
When it comes to raising happy and confident young women, "parent" is now an equal opportunity position.

Bringing up children

Raising a child is a 24 hour job. It is tough due to inexperience. There are drastic changes to your life-style after the arrival of your child. One has never received a formal training for such a responsible job. A school or college cannot teach you the in-depth experience of bringing up children. The bringing-up pattern you adopted could be techniques used by your parents in bringing you up and how you mould your instinctive pattern and your partners influence in bringing up your child. Work-life balance, financial pressure, discipline, children’s safety are the major reasons why parenting has become more difficult. As a parent, you are the most influential role model. When we offer our unconditional love, it is important to emphasize on a set of expectations from the start. The values that we instill in our children will later be the foundation of the decisions that they will make when they mature to adulthood. Values are taught at home first. Discipline demands consistency and ensures acceptable behavior in the wider society. It is essential to discuss the possible options and consequences openly and the child should be encouraged to participate in the discussion and decisions. This could probably help the child in being a more balanced individual and also learn the rules of communication