Kindergarten to Primary

Finally it was her first day of primary school. It was a new chapter in her life where she would mingle with bigger children, a bigger school and spend longer hours. It is indeed a rocky transition for both parents and kids. It also meant that I had to put in more effort, getting her used to the homework, checking her student diary and teach her how to spend money at the canteen. Her kindergarten days were over which she really enjoyed.
The first day she was taken around the school by her assigned buddy. We could meet her during the recess at the designated area. It was a sigh of relief to see her during recess, now I wonder what made us apprehensive. Probably it was realizing that your little kid has grown up and a new phase has started. Meeting new friends and her form teacher was exciting and of course her new found freedom to spend money by herself.
The first day she spent all the money at the canteen and brought a fancy pencil. The second day it was more adventure, she bought the eraser set and the fancy pen. The third day –it was paper roses. It continued for a few more days till the watchful teacher told them in class – “Don’t waste your parents money, if you are rich then you can spend”. My girl told me the next day – “I have to save money”. It made me wonder “Is she scared of the teacher or has she understood the value of money”.
I am glad that the teacher made my task of explaining the value of money easier.

Indians obsession with skin colour

A glance at the Indian newspaper and this is what it read.
Matrimonial Advertisement
Wanted bride – very fair and beautiful…………………….

I thought in my mind – “If the guy maybe as good as tar, the bride should have fair skin”.
After N years of marriage you hear the mothers comment on the not so good looks of the daughter-in-law but she can easily overlook the fact that her son is as dark as coal and a good for nothing.
The lighter your skin, you are considered pretty. It may look like an idea conceived by the media but it really comes from within you and your community. When you see a light skinned person getting preferential treatment and the dark skinned being ignored you realize, we ourselves have defined it. This obsession has got its widespread rotten roots in most Indian minds. India’s ugly secret is its discrimination against dark skinned folks. In the West, there is a transformation in the concept of beauty-but for we Indians, colour is the most indisputable winner.
How would you define the Indian mentality towards colour - “passive racist”?

Stock Market Humour

In the midst of the financial tsunami hitting many countries, the stock markets have become the butt of jokes. Here are some classic “desi” ones.

"Bankrupt allowed to return to their native place without ticket - (Railway Minister) Lalu Prasad," goes one SMS joke.

Other 'jokes' border on being stupid: "Good time to invest in stocks of Rupa Frontline, VIP underwear, Jockey briefs etc. 'Sab ki chaddi uter gayi' (everyone has lost their briefs). So, everyone will buy a new one."
A joke about Finance Minister P Chidambaram announcing a decision to treat all losses in the market as tax deducted at source.

Another jester came up with this spoof on the Ambanis, whose group companies usually drive the market: "Latest blockbuster movie 'Saare Zameen Par' - premiere on BSE and NSE directed, produced and acted by Ambani brothers."

A fun email circulating trading desks, worth a chuckle, as well as an informal measure of sentiment:
CEO: Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO: Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL: Beast in a field that attempts to screw anything
BEAR: Beast in the woods with a bad temper that attempts to screw anything
BULL MARKET: A random upward market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET: A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING: The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO: The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER: What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR: Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST: Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

Current Status of the market

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs10.The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.The man bought thousands at Rs10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at Rs20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to Rs25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.
In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at Rs35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for Rs50."The villagers squeezed up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys.Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!!!
Welcome to the "Stock" Market!!!!!

English blunders in the corporate world

How people write Leave Applications.

Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:
"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife , please sanction me one-week leave."

Bangalore: From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"as I want to shave my son's head , please leave me for two days.."

Leave-letter from an employee "as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."

From Administration Dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."

Another employee applied for half day leave as follows: "Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"

An incident of a leave letter: "I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday."

Another email written to the HR: "As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."

Letter writing:- "I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."

A candidate's job application: "This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! ) for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience , I am applying for the post.

Priceless words

A husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover.
He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table.
"Honey, breakfast is on the table, I left early to go grocery shopping. Love You!"

Totally shocked with the note, he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. He asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious. Broke some crockery, puked in the hall, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door". Confused, the man asks, "So, why is
everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?
I should expect a big quarrel with her!"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off, you said, "LADY LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M MARRIED!"

Moral
Self-induced hangover - $ 400.00
Broken crockery - $ 800.00
Breakfast - $ 10.00
Saying the Right Thing While Drunk - "PRICELESS "


There are truly some things that both money and Mastercard can't buy.

How to mingle and interact with people

These days many people find it difficult to start a conversation with unfamiliar people in a ball room event or any other social situation.You may want to make an unmarried person or a recently divorced feel comfortable among the married couples at your home get-together. Or , you might see a stranger and realize that he/she maybe a suitable other half. You have the urge to go up and strike a conversation but simply do not know how.Here are a few tips that could be used.
1.A casual greeting – “hello” and simply exchange names .A handshake when the person responds to you is the most acceptable one but if you are in a foreign country , you need to follow the social norms there. If the person is already known to you and a techie you could ask questions to break the ice - “What do you think about the Google chrome?”. “Are you doing some upgrading courses?”. If these questions don’t suit the other person, try something general-Look around the walls and you will see some piece of art and ask whether they appreciate it? If it is female – maybe appreciate her handbag or her shoes. Don’t tell her she looks like “Cleopatra” or “Aishwarya Rai” – these days women are smart – they know you are lying and not sincere.
2. Smile and continue the conversation. Smile and listen to what the other person has to say , you could also offer an opinion. Don’t stare but maintain eye contact.
Remember non-verbal communication also contributes to an effective conversation.Groom your hair and nails and dress appropriately.Read the newspaper/books and watch TV because you need to know what is going on in the world.If you are shy you need to think on a few topics that you could talk on.Remember humour and funny quotes can lighten up spirits and increase participation.
If he or she is looking at a clock or watch, then you have been going on for too long or the person you are talking to is simply weird. Don’t waste time – look out to strike conversation with someone else.